The Value of Friendship

As we came away from my little boy's friends birthday party yesterday he sank thoughtfully into his seat and said 'Well that was nice!' Very special words for a little boy with Aspergers who struggles to socialise and was too stressed to go on his own. I was touched by the thoughtfulness and kindness which had gone into the invitation and the preparations which had been made to ensure that he had a good time. My son had been prepared for all eventualities. He knew what food they were going to eat, the games they might play and most of all he was the only guest. They realised you see how intimidated he would be if there were too many excited children. My son's friend didn't comment when my son arrived with his computer 'just in case'. He just accepted him as any friend would for who he is! I am deeply grateful to that family for what they did yesterday because they made my little boy smile!

Refresh the Family!

As the family have grown up we have seen routines come and go as jobs changed, after school clubs came and went and commitments altered. What did become apparent however was that as the children grew so did the number of commitments and the time we were able to spend together as a family became less and less as my husband took the boys to go-carting whilst I went in the other direction with my daughter to her music lesson. Tea times became a snatched pre-cooked meal from the freezer so that we could get out to the next group or club in time. What we were seeing was a demise in our quality time together. I was suffering burn out and the children weren't enjoying the constant journeys from place to place to ferry each of them to the next club. At the point of crisis I decided that things would have to change.We all needed time to unwind. I was at work during the week then trying to cram in emergency shopping on Saturdays, followed by Church and often children's birthday parties on Sundays. Before we knew it it was Monday again and we didn't feel we'd had a rest. Change happened gradually. The first thing I noticed was how much we enjoyed a roast dinner in the winter when the afternoons were dark and the weather inhospitable.It was the one meal we all enjoyed, no making three different things for a change ,and my husband seemed happy to peel the vegetables whilst watching a rugby match on the television so we introduced the weekly roast and it continued into the summer months, albeit at a later time. We began to review our commitments at the beginning of each new term in order to decide which we wanted to contunue and which we needed a break from. The rule was, no more than one club a night, and if you weren't enjoying it you could give it up no questions asked, at the end of term but you had to follow it through until then. The new regime worked well. We began to see which clubs the children really wanted to do. For my son the priority was drums and Explorer scouts, and for my daughter she gave up guides and started scouts instead and we looked for a dance class when her gymnastics came to a natural conclusion at the end of primary school.There were obviously occasional days when there was a clash because of a one off event but as I couldn't be in two places at once the children learned that if they couldn't arrange a lift with a friend they couldn't go. The change in our well-being was amazing. As friends tied themselves in knots flying from one place to the next, I breathed a sigh of relief that I'd stepped off the treadmill.I set aside Sunday as being the best day in our house for doing nothing. It needn't have been Sunday, any day would have done, but as my husband was now working 9-5 then it fitted round both work and school. Having the freedom to wake up in the morning and decide whether we wanted to go out or just chill in the garden was fantastic. It meant that we sometimes had to say 'no' to invitations when we felt tired or stressed but we discovered that conversely often the most special things happened spontaneously .If the children were invited to the beach with friends or to play soccer on the astro turf they can go but if they preferred to lie in bed until late reading- it's was their choice, no pressure! The side effects were unexpected too! We ate better quality meals as I had time to bake if I wanted,cook in bulk and plan ahead.The garden started to get some attention and we had more fresh air and exercise because we weren't constantly driving from place to place. I also had time to help with homework if needed or look things up because we weren't going anywhere. The benefits have been immense to us all so stop rushing, start resting and I'm sure like me you'll reap the benefits!

Real Life Education

Whilst looking at the question of why leap years exist with my youngest son I learned that the term calendar derives from the latin name Kalens

which meant the first day of the month. Had my son been at school we would not have had time to discuss the gregorian and julian calendars and to learn that every four hundred years three leap years had to be removed to keep time accurate. As a parent with a foot in the camps of both home and state education I witness my teenage son being 'educated' at school month after month by being taught how to answer the test papers he is set and the contrast is stark. Since stepping into the realms of home education my attitude towards our state education and its exam system has changed.I now regard home as being the primary educational setting and school as merely an additional tool to enhance my childrens' learning opportunities.I didn't always feel like that but my experience of home education showed me how the current educational system dumbs our children down and fails to prepare them for the outside world by knocking the ability from them to experiment, ask questions, and challenge things. There is just no time, teachers have a curriculum to follow and woe betide those who get behind they may just get a bad ofsted report. By far the most valuable learning experiences my children have received have had nothing whatsoever to do with SATS or GCSE's. As Scouts and Explorer scouts my children have been offered the opportunity to camp, learn cookery, do woodwork and rock climbing. At the age of fourteen my son travelled round Cumbria on our rail system with three other Explorer Scouts, found his accomadation, budgeted and cooked his own food and never missed a train. He even made his way from Windermere lake to Eskdale under cover of darkness as part of a Man Hunt- just walking that distance is a feat in itself, never mind sleeping overnight without cover! Similarly our local Community Choir and orchestra offer opportunities to take part in workshops,play and sing with people of different ages and abilities and go away together. We are teaching our children to 'take control' of their lives. It doesn't start when they leave school. They are living right now and will learn as long as they are enjoying themselves. They don't need to work for someone else, they can work for themselves if that's what they want to do. They don't need to be 'clever' by academic standards. (The current GCSE'S aren't worth much to them anyway) They need to stand out as the people who will'give it a go', will offer to work for free to gain experience and have a positive 'can do' attitude to life which is so often knocked out of our children by a system which continually sends them the message that academic subjects are so much more important than being creative, flexible and adaptable. If what I'm saying strikes a chord then Guerilla Learning- How to give your children a Real Education with or without school by Grace Llwellan and Amy Silver is a great book to read to give you some ideas. It may just change your world! Learning is continuous- it doesn't end at 16 or 18 or after university so no matter what grades your children are predicted to get. They're not destined to a low paid manual job for the rest of their lives as many teachers will tell them. They just need your support and to know you're behind them as they pursue their interests!

Technology- Time saver or waster?

Coincidentally I have read two articles in the last couple of days about the cost of technology in our lives. With only a pay as you go mobile and a laptop to my name I count myself as fairly naive in a world where to have a kindle of ipad seems to be the norm and where nobody is anybody without a smart phone. Despite my lack of gadgets I have become increasingly concerned at the amount of time I find myself at my laptop, checking emails and surfing the net, often at the expense of housework, gardening or walking the dog.Whilst ownership of my computer is obviously essential in my job as a writer I am fast coming to the conclusion that there is a lot to be said for going on a technology diet, cutting back on it's usage and monitoring the effects.
When I gave up work our dishwasher broke down. Previously , as a working mother I had used the dishwasher to store our unwashed plates out of sight and away from kitchen surfaces. I regarded it as an 'essential' as it gave me the freedom to concentrate on other things whilst the dishes washed themselves. We replaced our broken dishwasher with a new human model- me and I now spend a therapeutic half an hour away from the tv washing the pots and appreciating the time for contemplation.
I'm not sure I would enjoy a kindle. I love the feel and smell of books and enjoy curling up on the bed on these dark winter nights with a book and a glass of wine- somehow a kindle seems sterile and businesslike.
I have set myself a goal - only to check my emails twice a day.The freedom it has given me is amazing, no longer tied to the computer I fill my time making cakes, gardening, reading and walking and have even taken up sewing again!
I am beginning to see the overuse of technology as sapping my creativity. It has its uses but it also has its dangers . It can become obsessive.What started as a promising new age of technology has crept up on us without us noticing and is beginning to destroy our ability to communicate with each other. We are in danger of living virtual lives. I have never been on Face book, I wish to retain the small circle of friends that I have nurtured over the 48 years of my life rather than acquire sudden celebrity status within days. What is wrong with meeting my friends for lunch, dropping them a note or speaking to them on the phone. They don't want to hear the minute details of my life! Having said all that I suppose I'd better switch off my computer and get ready to do some decorating with my new found free time!

The very best places to bring up children in the U.K.

I read an article yesterday about the ten best places to bring up children in Britain. Top spot was a small village in Devon which didn't surprise me as my perception of 'a perfect location' is a rural idyll near open country with beautiful views. I was more surprised that Sutton Coldfield fell within the list. Now before you all descend on me swords unsheathed I have nothing whatsoever against Sutton Coldfield, in fact I spent twenty years down in the midlands and there are some lovely places to visit. It just didn't sit with my own perception of a perfect place, neither indeed did Moor Row, a small village up the West Cumbrian coast where unemployment is high and Sellafield Nucleur plant is a stones throw away. Judging by the comments posted by readers, I was not alone, each person had their own idea of what constituted a perfect place. For some it was a regular bus service (non existant in this neck of the woods), for others is was good schools (again a matter of subjectivity),for others it was easy access to public services like libraries and theatres. It was clear that statistics could be tailored to suit the view point of the author and didn't paint a true picture of what people want for their children. After our children were born we decided to upsticks and move from our home in Leicestershire to the Lake District where we had both been brought up. We were lucky to grow up in such a beautiful area but that wasn't the only factor, grandparents lived close by and we wanted our children to spend more time with them. It occured to me that location is only a factor in deciding the best place to bring up children, having a loving family around you with whom you can spend time is more important.In fact the perfect place to bring up your children is a place where you can be happy. It's not much use living in the perfect location if you have no money and are living on the poverty line. I have learned that for me a beautiful location is important for my well being.There is nothing nicer on a summers morning than flinging open the window to a view of the sea, it gives me that 'glad to be alive feeling'.Home is where your heart is and the best place in Britain to bring up your children!

My Favourite Things

As I get older I become more and more comfortable with the idea that success isn’t limited to the amount of money we earn and things we own. I suppose I have always known it, but the fuzzy feeling of ‘contentment’ I get when I look at things I’ve collected over the years is linked to things of importance to me in my life, such as the beautiful patchwork quilt on my bed which I bought for twelve pounds at a car boot sale or the pine dresser in my kitchen filled with knick knacks picked up at charity shops over the years and which fill me with pleasure when- ever I handle them .
Maria in the Sound of Music expressed the sentiment perfectly in “My Favourite Things.” It’s the little things like Raindrops on Roses and whiskers on kittens which matter in life if we only take the time to notice them.
I came across a website called ‘Three Beautiful Things” the other day. In it Clare Grant aims to find three things to be grateful for each day. What a wonderful idea in a world where we are bombarded daily with negative news and promises of brighter future? Why, I wonder can’t we just be satisfied with ‘now’? We would all be happier if we weren’t constantly striving for a better car or that promotion or a bigger house.
When reading Enough: Breaking Free From The World Of More by John Naish recently I learned that in terms of money, tests have shown that a person who earns slightly above the average salary is just as happy as someone who is a millionaire. Being very rich doesn’t increase contentment.
Being able to spend time with my children is a far greater blessing. I haven’t always stayed at home, I chose to work part- time for the first few years of their young lives but as they grew the work life balance began to get out of kilter , I felt more and more torn between my roles as a professional career woman, a mother and home educator of my Autistic son.
I opted to step off the treadmill which was taking me further and further away from where I wanted to be and the result a year and a half on, is someone who has had time to take photos of the clouds and learn about their formations, to study the declaration of human rights and learn about some of the most important human rights activists who ever lived and to turn my hand to writing about things that matter to me such as protecting our wonderful planet. I have taken back control of my life and am grateful that it has enabled me to spend quality time with my wonderful family.

All the Time in the World

It was brought home to me forcibly yesterday just how slowly the pace of life moves up here in the North West. My children spent the day with their 'city cousins' who live in a market town in the Midlands. The eldest at 11 is the same age as the twins, and started secondary school this year but whilst his school has over 700 pupils, our school, sitting at the foot of the mountains in the Lake District has only 200!
At eight years old their middle cousin had recently had her ears pierced. My daughter was fascinated that someone so young would want to wear earrings! Fashion and jewellery are a world away from the outdoor life of fell running, canoeing on Coniston lake and dog walking in which my daughter is involved.
My daughter's Christmas present from her cousins was a beautiful box of cosmetics which (she confided in me later )she will place somewhere safely for the next few years until she feels ready to use it! Her eight year old cousin is already hankering after mascara!
As I looked at my daughter's rosy complexion I reflected how pretty she looks with her natural skin tones . She is totally unconcerned about what people think of her,wears exactly what she feels comfortable in and is completely self confident. I was so glad we had chosen to live in the country, among like minded people who have in the main, forsaken income for time, are unconcerned about material possessions and rarely conform to the expected standards of today's society.
Our children are free to explore their surroundings without the need of continual parental supervision as they know the people in our village and would ask for help if necessary. By contrast a stranger had recently been spotted at the school gates of my nephews school and pupils were being warned to be vigilent. The pressure to grow up is so great and it is difficult to swim against the tide even if you want to.
Like my daughter's make up box my children have the space and enviroment to grow at their own pace without any expectations and pressure from peers and to take out 'the make up box' when they feel ready. The have all the time in the world!